I recently agreed to participate in a Tarot Card reading. Despite my belief that I'm a relatively 'spiritual' man, I can't help but approach 'New Age' spirituality with a hint of cynicism. At best, I consider it whimsical, or indulgent. At worst, a modern day Snake Oil. I have difficulty believing it's prophetic.
Having said that, I refuse to denounce the existence of deeper levels of consciousness, and spirit, that exceed our capacity to understand. I'm first to admit I have self-imposed limits to my perceptions, and beliefs. I'm also aware of why I have them.
If I subscribe to the possibility of what those unproven forces name for me, I stand alone. I'm solely to blame for any failure in manifesting the destiny, or fate, they announce.My objective behind "The Dying Year" was to be transparent. I wanted to test my belief that, like everyone, I was intended, and with purpose. I wanted to state what I intuitively recognized as that purpose, and commit to its pursuit. Most importantly, I wanted to test my belief, so my life might become the beacon for another lost soul like the lives of others were for me.
Mostly, I wanted God to see that the faith I claim, is the faith I carry.
Random Certainty
The woman who conducted my reading is a Spiritual woman. If you met her, no clarification would be required for that description. She's a composite of Vision, Intuition, and Decency. She also knows me very well. More than anyone, she's been witness to who I am, and the prayers I make for who I hope to become. She is an experienced Tarot reader, and trusted friend, so when she offered a reading I hesitantly agreed.
**According to Wikipedia, "Tarot reading is belief in using cards to gain insight into the past, current and future situations by posing a question to the cards. Some believe they are guided by a spiritual force, while others believe the cards help them tap into a collective unconscious or their own creativity. The divinatory meanings of the cards commonly used today are derived mostly from cartomancer Jean-Baptiste Alliette, and Mlle Marie-Anne Adelaide Lenormand(1776-1843)."
After cutting the deck, she spread the cards face down on the table in front of me, and I picked ten of them. She assigned them their position in the reading. Out of the ten cards I'd randomly selected, four were considered to have more significance than the others, and the positioning of those four, like the others, was determined by the order I chose them.
- Death
- The Devil
- The Ace of Wands, and
- The World
What follows is the explanation they offer to the time that includes the writing of The Dying Year. This is how ten, random cards drawn from a thick deck, placed in a specific order, explained what the past six months of my life have looked like on the surface. This is how a 200 year old text explaining the Tarot, and assigning (often counter intuitive) meanings to common images, described my interior landscape during the same time.
It's kind of freaky, and marvelous, all at once. I owe a debt of gratitude to the circumstances that kicked me to the curb as I entered my sixth decade of life. The accumulation of personal experiences, and the taming of Ego, would have been insufficient, had it happened any sooner.
Somehow, the Universe excused me from worldly obligations, and any resources I had to distract myself, at the same moment the practical role I play in it, went on sabbatical. I was granted the time needed to reflect on my past, so I could understand how its choreography provides the meaning I'm conscious of in the present. Somehow, the Universe arranged to reveal for me, the purpose behind the pain it asked me to carry.
Fuckin-A.
Somehow, the Universe excused me from worldly obligations, and any resources I had to distract myself, at the same moment the practical role I play in it, went on sabbatical. I was granted the time needed to reflect on my past, so I could understand how its choreography provides the meaning I'm conscious of in the present. Somehow, the Universe arranged to reveal for me, the purpose behind the pain it asked me to carry.
Fuckin-A.
Specific Generalizations
I wasn't surprised to see the death card in my reading for obvious reasons. It's meaning, however, offered an alternative viewpoint to the absolute nature of the definition I'm accustomed to.
The Death Card rarely indicates physical death. It represents a time of deep transformation, or change, both in your inner life, and external world. It is representative of the destruction of something old, and a rebirth, or renewal, of something new. It is often associated with an upheaval in an individual's work life. One definition put it this way: "You may have to make some sacrifices to deal with coming financial challenges. You can do it. Don't hesitate to reach out for help if you need it. You don't have to struggle, or suffer alone."
Transformation has been my stated intent since the beginning of this experiment. It hasn't been consistent, but it's been maintained. Any existence of it is the result of the sustained kindness, and generosity, of others.
Direct hit number 1.
Kapow!
The Devil. This card usually indicates a lack of control in ones life, either by one's own actions, or more often, one's inaction.
Ouch.
It leads to a loss of hope (been there), and a distrust in your own abilities (done that). It requires resolve to surmount it. If you feel the dark forces in your life have won, they often will. As a result, you become susceptible to being exploited, and restricted, by others. However, if you turn from what's negative you may discover there is an opposite in the form of Light, and move into it.
The coincidence of writing my public narrative about lifelong family patterns, and the accompanying liberation from the habitual, and negative messages that originated within my birth family, has ceased to feel coincidental. It can be more accurately described as the conscious intention of whatever, or whoever, assigned me my life.
Direct hit number 2.
Blam! Pow! Whack!
Blam! Pow! Whack!
The Ace of Wands. The Divinatory meanings behind this card identify a flourish of creativity, invention, and enterprise that result in the following:
- new beginnings
- renewed principles
- birth
- family
I can't believe I just said that.
Direct hit number 3.
Boom! Smack! Eye Poke!
Boom! Smack! Eye Poke!
The World. This card indicates where "I am headed". It says that after all obstacles are overcome, and all paths have been traveled, the final gateway will appear. It says that after the union of conscious and unconscious, mind and body, in Judgement, all that remains is Union with the Divine in whatever form that takes for me. The earthly journey ends, and a new journey begins with the "...vindication of the traveler and the immortality he has gained through development of self. The fool's journey may not have been so foolish after all".
The card alludes to the accomplishment of the individual's unification with the universe from which it came. It signifies all lessons have been learned, and put to use, and all tasks are accomplished. It signifies that all causes have had their effects, and been woven together into a single life tapestry. It indicates that the cycle is endless, tied together by Divine force.
It doesn't confirm, or denounce, the reality of a dying year.
Direct hit not known,
and irrelevant.
I Know Nothing
I'll simply say what I said in the first pages I wrote for the 'The Dying Year'. The descriptions that explain the meaning of The World card are the beliefs I espoused about the contract I believe accompanies my life. That's enough to get my attention almost a half-year into writing this.
I have no idea if I will fulfill what's required.
I have no idea if I'm on the right path, or lost in the dark.
I know that I feel more alive now than I have in decades.
I know that I am learning to love again.
I know I trust the world to care for me.
That's far more than I hoped for.
It's far more than I deserve.
