If it's not clear, the first four pages have a theme. All of my ambitions were focused on procuring status, and recognition for me. Life’s alternatives were “others” oriented. It makes sense that, being a participant in the universe, the universe understands which experiences best honed my attributes, and what course of education I'd need.
I believe there's a conscious intent in the world. The mythologist, Joseph Campbell, described it as the mechanism that directs a dew laden flower to stand straight, and turn to face the sun. The flower isn't thinking, but there's intention in its behavior.
It also seems aware of what I sought to feel fulfilled. It trusted me to recognize when I was wrong. It assigned a childhood reminiscent of P.O.W camp to insure training. It arranged a series of similar opportunities to nurture others without an option to say "no". It orchestrated the exodus of the people and things I hid behind, or used as false definitions of who I was.
Because of that, my true path appeared. And my true being. I no longer want anything from life except the opportunity to use those characteristics to assist. Best of all, my life is no longer directed by public analysis, or judgments. Its value, its purpose, its meaning, are mine. I agreed to every circumstance, pleasant and unpleasant. I entered each without knowing the outcome. The faith I had in my purpose was rewarded when it was confirmed. I let go of the first world, and surrendered to the second, and found myself.
If you're paying attention to the contours of your life, and the people who share it, you understand.
My List
The list of things I want to accomplish in my dying year is vastly different than lists I made in my twenties, and subject to change.
I don't want to compete in the iron man, or get in shape one last time. I don't want to write the great American novel. I don't have a mountain I need to climb, or a cruise I want to go on. My list names how I wanted to behave. It names what I was afraid of.
It aims to accomplish three things. It aims at having fun with others, not just others who I know. It aims at leaving splinters of myself, everywhere, so those who wish to remember me, can. It aims at helping others. Helping others made every wound worthwhile.
The debt accrued by experiencing life, is paid by offering yourself to it. I'm grateful to have lived.
Colin Hay "Dear Father"
The Dying List
1. Dress like a superhero for one full day, and come to the aid of anyone who needs it.
2. Outside of what’s pertinent to basic human needs, give my possessions away.
3. Write three love letters admiring essential, undervalued characteristics,
observe three strangers embodying them, and present a letter to each.
4. Find out who my sons are, what they want from life, what they hope to add to it, and help them do it.
5. Spend one full day downtown, observing people, and giving compliments to strangers.
6. Tell everyone I know what I appreciate about them, and what their entry into my life allowed me to learn.
7. Volunteer with hospice and assist someone who’s dying, and someone who cares for them.
8. Write letters to my mother and father forgiving their mistakes, and acknowledging their courage.
9. Identify a population of people who are excluded from a specific activity, and convince those who commonly participate in that activity to invite them in.
10. Identify an individual, or organization, who needs help in an area that specifically fits your talents, and assist them.
11. Write down everything I want people to know about me that I was afraid, or ashamed, to share.
12. Stop cutting my hair.
13. Never wear a tie, or collared shirt, unless I want to.
14. Spend time with someone whose life has been more difficult than mine, and learn how they endured it.
15. Write, and get published, a letter to the editor arguing that people don’t spend enough time complaining about the lack of appreciation for other people.
16. Spend an afternoon downtown with a table, two chairs, and a sign offering free advice to anyone, on anything.
17. Write a poem without concern for its quality, or depth, and read it at open mic night.
18. Go up to five strangers and ask for their autograph because they are important to someone.
19. Pick a day, and a crowded place, and throw candy to the crowd without a parade.
20. Help my brother.
Marc Cohn "The Things We Handed Down"
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