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Touchy-Feely
I'm the first to acknowledge that discussions about fate and destiny and purpose and accidents are in a category on the same plane as masturbation, and fantasy football. That's never stopped me, and as long as I continue to see recurrence of coincidence I'll keep tugging.
This blog was posted publicly at midnight, last Friday. It's a whirlwind of crazy talk about feeling like there's something bigger than the human ego. I talk about "feelings" I've had, like "feelings" are real. Yeah, right. "Feelings". Whatever.
Five days later I pick up a copy of the local weekly paper "Good Times", and turn to Risa D'Angeles' Astrology Column to peek at my horoscope. Here's what it said:
Aquarius
"This is an important time when your destiny emerges. You will experience outer explosions reflecting inner changes. The spiritual world shimmers into form. Not understanding things before, you begin to with compassion, and intuition. The business world is seen in a new, and different light. Empowered by the Humanitarianism, you begin to serve others.YOUR GIFT."
An Intuitive Doctrine
Outside the fact that my horoscope mirrored what I'd written in the introductory pages of this blog, and outside the coincidental appearance of it 3 days after I posted it in the world, it means nothing, much like everything else in life.
Unless I attribute meaning to the relationship between events, and to me. Unless the meaning I assign contributes to the shaping of belief, and the organization of thought. Unless who I am, what I do, and who I aspire to become originates in those beliefs.
In that case, there are no random events, or relationships. Instead, there are millions of individual doctrines buried in the fabric of life, each as substantial as the next. Those are our true doctrines, the ones written to steward the individuation of more than a billion souls. The ones written to instruct the manifestation of more than a billion necessary parts.
So, this blog, and that horoscope, are medicinal. My hope of atonement relies upon the recovery of that lost scroll, the one my doctrine's etched upon. It relies upon my acceptance of the opposition in the doctrines of others.
I'm not concerned about being right, or wrong. I want to learn how to be in harmony with the world again. I want to let go of fear, and fulfill my role in Her ascendancy toward perfection. I want to renounce ego as false, and embrace spirit as true.
I've followed a doctrine of fear my entire life, a doctrine written by, and amended by privileged men. A necessary doctrine in the establishment of order, procedure, and hierarchy. A utilitarian doctrine designed to accumulate, and hold, power. A doctrine that has excluded more than half the individuals making up its constituency since it's conception. A doctrine that ignores the voice of the weak, the poor, the disabled, the nurturing, the unstable, and the non-violent, as if ones voice has the same limitations, or constraints, as ones body.
I've followed a doctrine that doesn't work, and agreed to remain quiet out of fear of discomfort, or disruption. I followed a doctrine I knew wasn't right. What if we aren't all created equal? What if some people will never be able to care for themselves? What if some people will never be able to contribute anything more than a smile, or a mood? What if the purpose of those individuals is to remind those who are 'capable' why they were created so? What if the value of life is in the opportunity to care for others, and we keep ignoring it?
