All of Us, Equally Unseen

Experts in Their Field

Because my diagnosis is less concrete than, say, one involving an inoperable tumor, I need to calibrate my thinking to insure my experience is accurate.  My thought process needs to be laid next to one operating on an absolute, certain end.  That's why I've made arrangements to volunteer as a 'peer support companion' for the elderly.  

My original motive for volunteering had nothing to do with truth.  It came from obligation.  I saw an advertisement that brought attention to loneliness among the elderly.  It confused me.

I thought about how the elderly build the foundation that sustains the incoming generation.  I thought about the contributions they made, the people they mentored, the organizations they built or funded.  I thought about the untold narratives.

We treat people like machinery.  If a machine breaks, we fix it.  If we can't fix it, we throw it away.   We ignore that we will be elderly.
It got me thinking.  Here are a few statistics to consider.  

According to the Administration on Aging you're considered elderly if you're 65 years or older.

• Presently, in America 1 out of every 8 is considered elderly.  
• Those who reach 65 can expect to live another 19.2 years.   
• 28% of non-institutionalized elders live alone.
• The population of elders grew from 35 million in 2000, to 41.4 million in 2011, and is projected to reach 79.7 million by 2040.
• Almost 10% of the elderly are below the poverty line.
• The elderly make up 12% of our population, and account for 16% of suicides.
• Between 2000 & 2050 the over 65 population will increase 147% compared to the rest of the nation at 49%.
• As the elder population grows, so does the demand for caretakers.
• 43% of elders report feeling lonely.

And for contrast:

• Concerning the aging process in Native American cultures:  Elders are respected for their knowledge and experience.  In fact, in traditional families, it becomes their responsibility to pass down their wisdom and learning to the young.  All members of a tribe care for the elderly.
• In Canada the financial situation of seniors has improved over the past quarter century. The share of seniors with a post-secondary certificate, diploma or degree jumped from 18% to 31%. allowing them to remain in the workforce longer.  While aging is associated with a decline in general health a large proportion of seniors are faring well.  40% of individuals aged 65 to 74 described their health as very good or excellent in health surveys,
• A successful elder care model in China (where population growth exceeds that of the U.S.) will need to be perceived by those paying for the care, and those receiving it, to meet the cultural expectations of how seniors are to be honored and taken care of in their old age... Both parties are beginning to understand that secondary care may be necessary (and best met) by foreign operators (who understand) the quality of the services provided, if not the outright luxury, of the senior care experience. 

Disregarded Sacrament

      Those projections for the future of elders in America,  that's you and me.  It's our

children, and it's their children.  Get it?

     This isn't a crusade, or a cause.  It's not an attempt to portray myself as selfless, or communal.  It's an inquiry.  
    Has our drive as a nation, to be the best, to finish first, to be the strongest, cost us too much?  My decision to reflect on who I've become is directly related to the dissonance between what I'm comfortable doing, and what's required of me to keep up with the Jones'.

Who decides what the 'do not use after' date is on a human being, and why do we agree so readily?   
Why do we continue to accept a paradigm that assigns value to people only if they're 'useful'?  
And who gave us the power to do so?  
Most importantly, why do we refuse to acknowledge that the procedures we implement are the ones we'll have to abide by?  

     We've seen our parents put their parents in sterile convalescent homes.  We've seen the looks of confusion, and guilt.  We tell ourselves we won't do that to our parents, without believing it. 

     Finally, it'll be our turn, and we'll learn the meaning behind the looks we saw.  We'll understand how it feels to be shelved with love still in our hearts, and time for the people we'll miss.

When we remove ourselves from the groups who require our patience, and assistance, we remove ourselves from our humanity.  We neglect the interactions that define us as a group. We solidify, for ourselves, the specific experience we tried to avoid.   We create a new niche in the workforce" to excuse ourselves from being humane. 

I'm wondering why?  

One, final observation.  

There's an important, defining characteristic inherent in aging that hints at what's "real".  When we house the elderly elsewhere we escape its acknowledgement. 

Hair loses it's color and turns gray.  Skin loses its elasticity and hangs on the skeletal frame beneath it.  Hearing and vision diminish, or fail.  Bones turn brittle in preparation of becoming dust.   The physical body dies.  

The part of 'persona' most of us rooted our self-perception in, disappears.   The features of identity that we groomed, or changed, as a means of being recognized, or admired, vanish.  They return to soil.  

 Just before my own mother died she voluntarily gave up speaking.  When asked why she said, "Language is material, so it belongs to this world.  I can't use it where I'm going".  She understood, and helped me to by deciding to die at home.  

With the exception of witnessing the arrival of each of my sons, participating in my mother's death was the most defining experience of my life. 

Our body isn't who we are, and it never was.  

It was simply what we valued. 

We are, all of us, what's unseen.

John Prine  "Hello in There"